Not Ready

That's right...sadly, I am not ready.

I have heard from more people than I care to admit, that with everything happening in Japan, we should be excited because it is a sign of Christ's returning. I.am.not.ready.

How awful is that?

I feel sad....I want to live more of my life, accomplish more, see more, be more.
I want my kids to grow up, graduate college, get married and have babies.

I remember on 9/11 when I was pregnant thinking, what am I doing bringing a helpless baby into this terrible world. I ached with sadness over our choice to have a child. Of course I was being irrational...um, well let's just blame it on the hormones! Ha!

But here I am again wondering is this the end? Will there be more signs? Will I ever have and see my grandchildren.

I know our days are not guaranteed....

Job 8:9 NIV ⁹ for we were born only yesterday and know nothing, and our days on earth are but a shadow.

And although I know this I am still greedily wanting more....more days to do the monotonous mundane things I do every day as well as many new and wonderful adventures!!

I wonder how people can be so excited for His coming. I mean I get it, but really are they ready to give up everything they have on Earth, for the unknown? I guess that is where we are different. My faith is obviously not as strong as other people. And although I know that my faith is definitely not as strong as it was 10 years ago, I remember having this fear of going "home" too soon since I was very little. I wanted to experience all that was offered on Earth.

I guess all I am saying is it doesn't matter what I want because He will return....today, tomorrow, 200 years from now...SO I must enjoy what I am given every single day. Simple conclusion to such a difficult eternal dilemma.