Tuesday, April 4, 2017

One Year Without You

One year...
An entire year...

I just can't believe that it has been exactly a year since Zach passed.  It still hurts...almost every Monday my mind drifts to him.  Most people hate Mondays because they are going back to work.  I've never felt that way...to me it is a fresh start to the week.  New possibilities.  A new to-do list to be checked off.  But now Mondays sting just a little bit.  Sometimes they sting a lot.  That flipping grief will smack you upside the face at any moment.  In the last year so much has happened and Zach wasn't here to see it.  Zach wasn't here to be loved by family and friends.  And today we grieve him all over again.  Fresh, new, horrible grief.  The first week was so hard.  Two weeks was difficult.  A month was too much.  But a year?  It is an anniversary that no one wants to celebrate.  

I want to remember him through pics I haven't shared before, so I dug on my external hard drive for some oldies but goodies.  So here we go...

Helping B with her Christmas gift from him...a stuffed dog from Cabellas.

I believe this was the first time he held Owen...we surprised him up at work.

 Christmas at my parents...

At a birthday party...sitting next to another man we lost recently...my wonderful FIL, Bill.

Holding sweet B...

...melts my heart.

He came over for a haircut and seeing as how I am a "fancy" hairdresser, I provided an uncomfortable chair and a black trash bag to keep the hair off his clothes!

The haircut was a success, keeping it off his clothes was not...so he had to wet himself down once I was done!!  
THAT SMILE!  A genuine, laugh out loud, enjoying himself smile.  
So beautiful to see.

 Holding Owen at his 1st birthday party...

...and rough housing with Finn.

Attending a graduation ceremony at Grace Place.

These next two pictures...they make me hurt.  He and Aidan were so close...

...and I'm pretty sure Aidan would be taller than Zach, if we could re-create this picture now.  

Helping us chaperone Finn's birthday party at the Fort Worth Zoo...so sweet.

Attending Finn's Christmas program in Kinder.

Loving on Owen at Halloween.

 Another birthday party...another Longhorn sweatshirt and hat. ;)

I will give him this...he sure loved his LONGHORN sweatshirt and hats...as well as the Texas Rangers.  

I know I never told him how proud I was of him for going to UT and for graduating.  I never told him he was a fun Uncle, and that the kids loved being with him.   I didn't tell him enough how funny he was, and that I was jealous of his talent and whit.  

One year...365 days without you.  I love and miss you brother.  
xoxo, ashley


  1. Heart breaking. Hugs to you, friend.

  2. Ashley, my heart breaks for you and your parents. Remember the good times, and remember that Zachary has made the journey that we all look forward to. I so hope that he and Bill will have time to visit and watch a good Rangers game ! Love you sweet daughter-in-love. xoxo