I can't believe it has been 8 weeks since Zach died. As the first week approached I sat up in my bed counting down the minutes till my brother had died the week before. I played it all out in my head. I absolutely didn't want it to have been a week since he was gone. And now, here, 8 weeks have passed and I'm just not ready. Not ready for 8 weeks, not ready for his birthday, not ready for Christmas, not ready for the year anniversary. I'm still not ready.
Sometimes it hurts so much to listen to music, especially Christian music or Christmas music, that I will listen only to classical music.
A few weeks ago I cleaned up my brother's room. The details aren't important, but I found myself smiling at his DVD collection...I didn't realize how much we liked the same movies. So many emotions overwhelmed me while I worked away in his room. But I am so glad I got the opportunity to feel close to him again.
My brother and I weren't big huggers....but I recall a particular hug that meant the world to me. He came over to my apartment in Austin after we found out our baby had died (story HERE). There he put his arms around me and I just melted into a puddle of tears. He just knew I needed to be held. I will never forget that.
He was always so kind to me, even when I was a bratty big sister. He always wanted to get things for me from wherever he was...and I was never as kind.
We had a running joke about Charlie Hough and Mr. Woodenhead. Jokes NO ONE else, other than my parents, will ever understand or find funny.
I'm so glad I dug through more of my pictures...I finally found one of him and B!! I know there are more, but this is all I can find.
Zach was so loving to my kids...and I miss that so much. My boys miss him so much.