Why I didn't get that Cracker picked up....

I wasn't able to get that cracker picked up today because my schedule was as follows:

3:30am: bfeed Owen
5:00am: finally fall back asleep
7:45am: my burning eyes opened to a talking O-bug
7:55am: shower and dress
8:10am: make biscuits for breakfast
8:25am: greet my sitter kiddo keegan
8:30am: feed Keggan
8:35am: bfeed Owen, bottle feed him and pump all while answering a million questions from my kids
9:30am: change 3 diaper, one that is nasty; get all 5 kids dressed
9:55am: finish Monopoly game with Aidan
10:30am: load of laundry
10:45am: begin cleaning my kitchen
11:04am: answer a barrage of questions about what we are doing for lunch...Aidan wants pizza, finley wants a sandwich, B is already sitting in her chair as I try to explain that it isn't yet time for lunch
11:55am: continue cleaning kitchen with Breslyn's "help"
12:10pm: make 3 DIFFERENT lunches!! Aidan- mustard, ham, no cheese; Finley and B share mayo, ham and cheese, and peanut butter for K.
12:30pm: make my lunch
12:45pm: put everyone in their own place for "quiet time", Aidan in my room watching TV, Finn in his room watching Nemo, B in bed for a nap, Keegan down for a nap as well
1:00pm: breathe
1:02pm: nurse Owen, bottle, pump
1:30pm: tell Finn to get back in his room 3x, accept numerous hugs from Aidan
2:15pm: stare at Owen for a few minutes...he's so happy
2:20pm: another load of laundry
2:25pm: fold all the other laundry
2:40pm: tell Finn he can come out of his room, set up play doh for him
2:55pm: get B out of bed
3:00pm: finish cleaning kitchen...yes, it was super gross.
3:15pm: get K up and change his and B's diapers
3:30pm: greet Ashlee and Josh at the door
3:35pm: sweep the kitchen floor
3:40pm: vent to ashlee and listen to her talk as well....such a great give and take relationship
3:55pm: tell the kids to be quiet and go play in the boys room
4:20pm: wrangle K while Ashlee is on the phone
4:40pm: say bye to our friends
4:50pm: sit and breathe (finally get a chance to check email and Facebook)
5:15pm: start making dinner....leftover pizza for Aidan, Toy Story mac n cheese for B and Finn, regular mac n cheese for me
5:40pm: eat and answer more never ending questions from the kids
6:10pm: start bfeeding Owen
6:30pm: start bathing 3 kiddos
6:45pm: get everyone dressed for bed
7:00pm: get movie going for Finn, start playing Monopoly with Aidan while holding a wiggly B
7:45pm: clean up the kitchen from dinner
8:00pm: put Aidan and Finley in bed....start a movie for them
8:05pm: sing to B and put her to bed
8:15pm: bfeed Owen, bottle, rock and rock and rock some more
8:55pm: lay Owen down for the night
9:00pm: look around at my toy infested living room. begin throwing toys into the toy box behind the couch
9:25pm: check on all my babies
9:30pm: sit in my chair and relax.......realize how tired I am....and although I began this post Wednesday at 9:31pm, it took me till 9:31am on Friday morning to complete it

So that my darling is why I didn't get to that cracker behind the couch...under mounds of toys, books and baskets. I am not supermom, I cannot do it all, but I do a pretty good job of maintaining our little homestead...and I do it all without losing my mind (most of the time)!!!

Wordless Wednesday

You Just Don't Understand {and a haircut}

Check out my new do! I like it....the typical stacked bob, but I like it nonetheless. :) It's cooler, and it gives me the right height in the back. It looks especially good because I had them fix it...I don't have a flatiron, but usually my roll brush and curling iron can do the trick!! ;)

And now on to more serious blogging.

I am unfortunately at that point in my mothering that makes me so sad. My little O-bug is 15 weeks old and he is growing by leaps and bounds. He is healthy and already in 3-6 month clothing!! My favorite way to bond with all of my babes has been to breastfeed them. With Aidan I was only able to make it 2 weeks, with Finley I stopped around 2 months, but continued pumping minuscule amounts for 2 more months. Breslyn made it to approximately 4 months. Breastfeeding has NEVER, I repeat, NEVER been easy for me. I was in great pain with Aidan and Finn, but not with B or Owen. I have been so grateful for each and every opportunity I have had to breastfeed my little munchkins. My body works against me no matter how hard I try. I produce so little milk....what a bummer. Anyways, I am reaching "that" point again where I am quickly running out of milk....insert EXTREMELY sad face here. He begins to eat and gets super frustrated about 5 minutes into it....I keep trying, but quickly move onto the other breast. And then we eventually move to the bottle.

My well meaning but clueless hubby {and others} tell me to just quit, it's easier and quicker. However they just don't understand how difficult it is to end this emotional attachment. When I realized I could no longer provide natural nutrients for Aidan I cried for a very long time. I felt like a horrible mother, I mean isn't this supposed to be a natural process? The books don't tell you how hard it can be...sore nipples, your body working against you and not making enough...no matter how well you eat and how many glasses of water you drink. So then came Finn, and very often he would not get the best latch....OUCHIE!! I was happy to make it longer with him, but once I realized my milk was dwindling again I was an emotional wreck. Then came B...again I bfed longer and honestly didn't allow myself to think about it when the time came to stop. I knew deep down that it would be the last time I ever breastfed, and I feared I might not recover if I let myself cry when it ended. So shoving my emotions way down deep, I didn't cry once after I stopped feeding her. And now with my little surprise baby I am once again nearing that awful time in our relationship where I feel I must nourish him only with formula and it deeply saddens me. I cannot explain why, and maybe only another breastfeeding mother could, but when you end this incredible bonding time it is so difficult, completely emotionally draining.

Honestly when I was pregnant with Aidan I thought breastfeeding was G.R.O.S.S!! ;) Then that sweet little baby stared up and me and I knew that it was the only way to go. It was amazing...through all the pain, difficult nights, screaming fits...it was always worth it. So when the time comes to "give up" I struggle so much....I know I have given it my best, this time more than any other time, but it is still difficult to officially quit. I know the day will come when this will only be a memory, and I won't cry every time I give my baby a bottle...but for now, as this special time comes to a conclusion I am going to focus on my precious baby and love him through my tears.

Thank you Lord for the wonderful time I have had to feed each of my children....they are precious in your sight.

Wordless Wednesday

We Weep for that Which Would Have Been

That is how I am remembering the little baby we lost 6 years ago today.

I can go for weeks without thinking about my little one (and the one I lost after it), and then there can be many days in a row I think on the loss. But right now...on this day....I am especially reflective. This day 6 years ago, at 17 weeks pregnant, I found out my sweet baby was no longer living. It was one of the hardest days of my life...maybe the hardest day. Without going into every excruciating detail, the baby had Cystic Hygroma....a mass that commonly occurs in the head and neck area (a birth defect).

What should have been a routine appointment turned into a nightmare. When my doctor couldn't pick up the baby's heartbeat on the Doppler, she sent me for an ultrasound. I had an INCREDIBLE sonographer who delivered the bad news to me. He searched so hard and so long to find that little beating heart, but finally he stopped and looked at me and I knew. What was so hard was as alone and scared as I felt, I had my sweet Aidan right there with me. It was terrible. I couldn't stop crying, but he looked concerned because I was so upset, so I felt doubly awful.

Ellison, the sonographer was able to tell me what was wrong....my child had a deformity. He said that most of the women he sees lose their baby and never know why. He said I should feel lucky because I had a reason and that I could deal with the loss a little easier. At the time I didn't feel blessed to know why my sweet little baby had died. At the time I didn't feel like hearing it was all in God's plan. At the time I didn't feel like saying I was carrying around a dead baby in my tummy. As time went on I realized that it was a blessing to know why my baby died...my...baby...died. I hate those words.

It was difficult to lose my baby....it was difficult to walk around for a week with a dead baby in my tummy, waiting for my doctor to have time to do a D & C. It was difficult to endure yet another D & C because they didn't "get" all of my baby the first time. I think the later was the most difficult. But I am aware that I should have delivered my child since it was bigger than they originally thought. I know that God spared me that HORRIBLE experience....and for that I am so grateful.

If I had not gone on to have 3 more healthy children I believe I would dwell on this experience so much more...but God has truly blessed our family...with LOTS of kids. How lucky are we? Very...I have the best kids and the loss I suffered 6 years ago makes me appreciate them all the more.

Update on O-O {part 2 apparently}

Well, today was exactly 1 week from Owen's doctor appointment. We were finally able to call and see what the results were. Now mind you last week at our appt the doc said, "we are taking blood, here is the number to my nurse, call in 7-10 days and she will give you the results." Fast forward to today....I called at 10am this morn and the nurse called me back at 4pm. She was very sweet and said she wished she could help me...huh? Her words.."I do have the results, but the doctor will have to review them and call you on Thursday when she is back in the office." Okay....yes, there is probably still nothing wrong with him, but why were we told she would give us the results only to say she couldn't?? :s I told the nurse thank you and hung up as if I wasn't bothered by this at all. But the longer I thought about it, the more I wished I had asked more questions. Grr. I am always so worried about bothering people, or confronting them that I tend to back down when I should ask more questions or maybe, just maybe start a fight. I don't want to go to the opposite end of the spectrum and be an annoying over-bearing person. I know people like that and I have stopped being friends with them because they have embarrassed me, confronted me and put me in awkward situations numerous times. Wow, went off topic there for a second!! Anyways, we are back to the waiting game. I still have full confidence that he is fine...but of course a nagging feeling still tugs at my heart. Continued prayers please.

I am having a good week. Grandma came to help me with some chores today...she was bombarded as soon as she stepped through the door. The kiddos talked non-stop "at" her!! I think she like liked it...just a little!! :) I must finish laundry tomorrow...luckily the pile is getting smaller!! And on Friday I get to scrapbook from about 5pm till midnight THEN scrap on Saturday from 10am till midnight...oh yea, oh yea, oh yea yea yea (from Finding Nemo)!!

I am going to go finish baking some Pillow Cookies...brownies INSIDE chocolate chip cookies...yes, I know...you are JEALOUS!! teehee!! I will give a report on their gooey goodness!!

Goodnight dear friends and family.

Random Pics

So after uploading literally hundreds of pics onto my computer last night I realized most of them I haven't shared yet!! I've got lots of posts in my future!! But I thought I would just share a smattering of great pics with you...enjoy!

Above are two great friends...I mean definitely they fight like brothers, but good friends too!! Josh and Finn- a pair of crazy {pain in the tooshie} four year old boys!!

This pic is for Gaga....O-bug fits just perfectly in her arms!

Sweet Mrs. Ashlee...she and Owen have a special bond!! Doesn't this pic make you smile?

Well, what can I say about this picture...typical Finley!!

Yes....this is the most perfect Grandma in the world...yes, the whole world!!

A Grandpa and his granddaughter! So sweet...he looks disinterested, but don't be fooled...he is very smitten!!

One word...precious pretty pink princess!!

Yes, I did have to throw Owen in Uncle Zach's arms for the picture, but hey...you do what you have to!

Look at my big boy!! He is so sweet. This summer he has been showering me with hugs and kisses constantly! I love him so!!

I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE this picture so much.
I love my family {and my friends} so very much!!
Now I am off to clean my kitchen...blech!! :)

And GRACE, My FEARS Relieved

Today was the big day....our trip to the Hematologist. I was so nervous, worried, upset...pick a word...that's what I was. I knew deep down that nothing was wrong with my O-bug, BUT what if there was? Bit of a contradiction, huh? Here we are walking through Cook Children's Specialty Clinic. Can you see the muffled panic in my face? No? Good!!

Joey was full of funny jokes and wouldn't let me focus on what was to come. He was patient and brave and I needed that more than anything.

When we came to the elevator and I checked our floor on the sign I began to realize what we were doing there. I did not like this...not one little bit. On the board you can see...Hematology and Oncology are together...blood problems and CANCER TOGETHER IN THE SAME WAITING AREA. My heart dropped more.

Unfortunately Owen wasn't in the best mood. He was cranky and hungry. I hope he couldn't feel the extreme tension exuding from me.

As we sat there we saw numerous children with cancer. I hate that word. I sat next to a girl of around 19 who had cancer. I curiously watched two little boys play....both suffering from that C word. I was not at all prepared for this. I assumed it would be a semi-empty waiting room, filled with a few toys and some chairs....not a room full of moms, dads and sick children...after all, we were just there to "talk" to a doctor. I was barely able to hold it together...and in fact I may have shed a few tears. I believe the tears were more for the other families I was watching than for Owen.

We went back for a few minutes to take his vitals....blood pressure, weight {13lbs...whoohoo}, temp and he got this fancy little anklet!! So cute and shiny!!

We went back and waited a little while longer and then we were called back to meet with the doctor. She talked and talked and explained and explained. She focused on Sickle Cell, which I knew he didn't have, but the way she went on and on I thought maybe he might. Finally she moved on and gave us her professional opinion. She believes there is nothing wrong with our little man!! Hallelujah!! He has a variant Hemoglobin of some sort. It could (and probably in our case) cause no change in life or it could be very severe. He could also be anemic. Because we do not have any history of anemia or any other attributes (diseases) in our families, she believes Owen will be fine. They did take blood...to check for anemia and the other more significant tests. We should know by tomorrow if he is anemic....and in 7-10 days we will find out about the other results. I am not concerned.....to say I am not worried at all would be a lie, but I feel better. My son is okay.

As I sat to type this I did not immediately think of the song Amazing Grace...just one line stuck out....hence the title, and then I realized what song it belonged to. But that song fits my feelings on the day:

T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.

The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.

Thank you Lord for the wonderful, reassuring news we received today. Please Lord, continue to watch over our children and keep them in good health all their days.

Hand Scrub

I came across a blog back in May that was featuring gifts for teachers and I found this particular...easy gift! So I memorized what I needed and tucked it away for a rainy day!! It is a sugar scrub mix that can be used on your hands or feet....and it smells divine!!

Being on a budget sucks...I mean stinks, so when birthdays and such come along we are always looking for a way to give our loved ones a gift but on a budget...doesn't that word leave a nasty taste in your mouth? So I decided to use this sweet little project for our mothers and grandmothers for Mother's Day. I didn't take pics of those, but I did take pics when I made them again for Finley's teachers and preschool director the last day of school. It is such a fun project to do and the kiddos can easily help. You need sugar, whatever dish soap fragrance you like, and mason jars {and if you want to decorate them...material, hot glue and gun, string, ribbon and tags}. The original post I saw (but can't remember the name of) said you could buy very inexpensive SMALL jars at Walmart...but I already had some antique mason jars on hand.

Instructions: pour sugar 3/4 of the way up the jar, then add soap the rest of the way. Stir with a butter knife (this worked best for me...a spoon didn't mix it very well). Easy peasy cheesy!!

I decorated each with different material I already had. I laid the lids over the material and glued away!

The actual mason jar lids were great at keeping the material on...but I had one jar that was not a mason jar...so no lid to keep it secure! So I wrapped it with black ribbon...and it worked great!! I wrapped the others in black ribbon as well to make them uniform.

Below are the tags and embellishments i used. I had all this on hand because I LOVE LOVE LOVE to scrapbook...wish I had more time to do it though.

Anywhoo....fill out the cards and tie them on with string! Voila!!

I hope that everyone we've given them to and everyone we WILL give them to will enjoy them!!

COHEN...

Cohen