October 31st, 2004...9 Years Later

9 years ago I had my second pregnancy loss.  I don't speak much about this one, because it doesn't mean much to anyone else but me.  I am not saying that to be callus, or mean....it's just that we don't speak of it.

I don't believe I've ever recorded on my blog what happened 9 years ago...so I thought I would do a short version for a keepsake.

After our first loss we were ready to try again.  My doctor told me that as soon as I found out I was pregnant to come in for testing.  We found out we were pregnant the last week of October.  I don't really think I was worried about having another loss, I felt that we would be just fine.  I went in to draw blood.  The next day my OBGYN nurse called to say I needed to get on Progesterone and come in again that week to make sure my "levels" were rising.

I just knew we would be fine.  I knew it would be ok.

That Friday my actual doctor called to tell me I would be miscarrying.  She didn't know when, but this baby was not going to make it.  I was heartbroken to say the very very least.  I hoped she was wrong.  I prayed she was wrong.

When Joey got home from work, I just had to go and be by myself.  I drove around our little area in Austin, just staring out my windshield.

I stopped at Sonic, grabbed dinner, and parked in the back to eat.  I felt so alone and so sad.  I just cried and cried feeling helpless.  That was my true feeling that night...helpless.

That Sunday, October 31st, at 3 in the morning, I lost the baby.  Not to be too detailed, but it was difficult flushing what was my baby, down the toilet.  I just stood there thinking that THIS.WAS.NOT.HAPPENING.  But it was.

Every year there is celebrating and dressing up and the excitement of Halloween is obvious....but for me, amidst all of the happiness, is a small bit of sadness and remembrance of what this day represents for our family.

And it makes me LOVE my children all the more.  

A Special Bond Over Loss

I am so blessed to take pictures of people I love and have friendships with.  But then God allows me to make new friends and I am all the more blessed because of them.  I formed a special connection with this woman {and her precious family}...and I only met her last Sunday, October 20th!!  We share a bond, and I am so glad to have been a part of this special photo session.  

{The official announcement!!}

Brea, Tommy and Luke...thank you so much for letting me be a small part of this new chapter in your lives!!  Prayers for your family and rainbow baby coming May 2014!!

Photo Dump...Way Behind

I am SO FAR behind on numerous posts...like A LOT!!  I have posts spinning around in my head and my fingers cannot keep up!  But it's not just my fatigued fingers that prevent me from blogging.  I am just too busy.  I like being busy...not all the time, but I like having things to accomplish.  {Apparently that does not apply to having a clean house.}  Anyways, I hope to soon catch up on blogging, but for now you get some random life pics from my phone...lucky you!! ;)  Teehee!

Oh my goodness this girl is sassy....and I love it!  She's got style...oh wait, I dress her...I've got style!!  Hahaha!!

I have the best Grandma ever...she comes over EVERY Tuesday and folds/puts away all my laundry and then takes us to dinner!  WE are very blessed!!

Charming...

What's a little trombone practice?  

My momma taught me how to make this on vacation and it is a family FAVORITE!!!  YUMMM!

We were studying Community helpers at school and the local fire department came to talk to the kids and spray foam/water all over the parking lot...that was way cool!!!  I sent Owen to school in his fireman shirt...it was quite a hit with one particular fireman!!

Well, that's all I have to share now.  I must either go clean everything something, check the laundry, do my quiet time, make the bed....or browse a few more blogs until the littles wake up from nap!!  What to do, what to do!! ;)

Senior 2014!

I did a photo shoot this weekend with a beautiful senior girl!  She is such a kind person and a true leader in our youth group at church!  She loves the Lord and is not afraid to show it!  Just amazing!  

We had a blast...and I am thrilled to show them to you!!  

Reagann...Class of 2014!!

I feel so blessed to have been able to be a part of this special day with such a WONDERFUL family!!  Love you Traci!!  

Just Another Hump Day

Ugh.  That's the only word to describe the last two and a half hours...

Why MUST my kids be so intolerable in the morning?  I love them, but OMGoodness...what is going on with them?  Owen woke up sick...slight fever, but not cranky, B marched into the living room at 6:45 with an attitude, Finn went berserk over his socks and the fact that we have NOTHING to eat in our house and Aidan was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.  

Y'all....raising kids is HARD!  Liking them is even harder!  Ha!!

I have so much going on right now, and I feel like poo...AND I know that my patience is definitely running out, but my goodness I really wish I wasn't yelling at the top of my lungs by 6:59 in the morning!!  Gaw!

I pray about how to raise these kiddos, and I know the Lord hears my cries...that is all I can rely on.  I can't rely on myself to keep it together.  I can't rely on Joey not to yell {he gets just as frustrated as I do..and rightfully so}.  I can't expect them to mature over night.  I can ONLY rely on God to give me strength and help me to show them grace and mercy when I just feel like smacking them!

And to make me feel better....;)

And how I feel our family must look like to others!!! Ha!