My Worst Fear

See this precious boy? The fourth light of my life? We received some news about him today that I feel is my worst fear trying to come true.

Months ago before he was born I read an extremely sad post about a little boy who died after contracting Pertussis and RSV. Unfortunately I have not been able to put that story out of my mind. A baby does not get vaccinated for Pertussis until 8 weeks....so I have {im}patiently been waiting for today's visit to the doctor...his 2 month check up!! I thought finally I would be relieved that he was finally going to get his vaccine and I would have nothing left to worry about. I was not expecting to have something new to worry about.

As soon as the doctor came in she asked if I had gotten her voicemail...I hadn't....so she proceeded to tell me that Owen's blood work was abnormal. And not just abnormal once, but twice. Infants are screened when they are 1-2 days old and then again after 2 weeks of age. Here in Texas they are tested for approximately 6-8 different tests. She then tells me of all the diseases he could have this is the best!! REALLY? I don't want my child to have any diseases, but hey....guess I'll take the best one!! He failed this:

Hemoglobinopathies: These inherited diseases of red blood cells result in varying degrees of anemia (shortage of red blood cells) and other health problems. The severity of these disorders varies greatly from one person to the next. These disorders are:

• Hb S/S (sickle cell anemia)
• Hb S/A (hemoglobin S/beta-thalassemia)
• Hb S/C (hemoglobin S/C disease)

Okay...breathe, don't faint, don't hyperventilate just breathe.

His doctor promptly said he didn't have Sickle Cell. She was sure. Yay!

But of course I came home and did research on the computer that showed he could have had false positives (which I would have believed if he had only failed once), all the way to cancer....leukemia. Seriously?

And there you have it? My worst fear EVER recognized. Of course I know that once we see the Hematologist he could say O-bug is just fine, or he could give me the worst news ever. I will be calling for an appointment tomorrow afternoon. The docs have to review his case...and decide on the urgency. I don't want to call tomorrow and they say he needs to come in immediately....but I also don't want them to say don't worry about it and we'll see ya in a few weeks. I will worry myself silly. So here I will sit and wait and try to put all my faith in Christ that my sweet little O-bug will be fine.

I love you Owen....you are such a sweet baby!!